Moving Forward
by Black Stormraven
Summary: A visit from an old friend makes Obi-Wan reflect on his choices and put the past behind him. THIS IS NOT A STORY FOR SATINE FANS. FAIR WARNING!


**Before anyone jumps on me for this, let me just say that I've had a lot of very strong feelings about the Obitine ship for over a year now. I've sent the past few months venting about it to a couple of people whom I now consider good friends who see it the same way I do. Our conversations have actually been a lot harsher towards Satine and the TCW writers than this story presents (I tried to be fair to everyone without senselessly bashing any of them), but I needed another way to get at least some of my feelings out without simply ranting. This story is both a way for me to let off some steam as well as argue my case against Obitine with the characters themselves. I debated all day and night whether to post this or not, but in the end I decided to just do it; I don't like internalizing my feelings regarding that ship, so here it is.**

**So if you are a fan of Satine and think she and Obi-Wan belonged together, stop reading this right now and hit the back button because you will most certainly not like where I'm going with this. Any flames or uncivil comments or messages will be ignored and most likely deleted. Don't say I didn't give you fair warning.**

* * *

That tunnel was back. Obi-Wan felt his stomach clench and his heart leap to his throat as he stood in it. It was so dark, so oppressive, and the air so heavy and choking. He didn't want to be here. He never wanted to be here. Any moment now he would hear that awful scream, the one that had haunted him ever since the Clone War came to its grisly end.

But it didn't come. Instead, a voice cut through the blackness, one he never thought he'd hear again. "How could you?"

Obi-Wan turned. He should have been shocked to see her standing there; for some reason it felt like the appropriate response, but he couldn't figure out why. Instead he felt his hackles rise at the accusation in her tone. "I'm sorry?"

Satine stepped forward, her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes hard. "How could you forget me so easily?"

Now he remembered. She'd been killed on Mandalore by Maul. He'd been there, been forced to watch that black lightsaber cut through her. "I never forgot you, Satine. I mourned you-"

"You left me when I took the throne of Mandalore, you left me during the war, and you let me be killed." Her gaze was a mix of disappointment, anger, and despair. Obi-Wan hated seeing that look in anyone's eyes, but especially when it was directed at him. "And now I have to see you with someone else. I thought you loved _me._"

Obi-Wan's brow furrowed as he looked at her. Had she always been this quick to jump to the wrong conclusions? "Satine, what are you talking about?"

She uncrossed her arms and raked a hand through her hair in frustration. "You said you would have left the Jedi for me had I asked. We both know I couldn't have done that. It would have been selfish. But why put that burden on me? Why couldn't you just leave on your own? You knew I loved you. You loved me. So why didn't you stay with me?"

He had to take a breath to keep from saying something unthinking and foolish. "We both know why, Satine."

"No, _we _don't," she snapped.

"I am a Jedi," he responded slowly, carefully. "I follow the Code, and that Code forbids attachment. I've told you that many times before."

"So what? You felt something for me, I know you did. Since when is love a sin?"

"When it becomes possession, and when it goes against the will of the Force."

Satine snorted. "So how do you explain the fact that _that woman_ shares your bed now?" Obi-Wan froze at the way she said that. "You felt sorry for her. Sympathy is _not _love, my dear. You of all people should know that." He nodded; he couldn't really argue that point. "What a hypocrite you've become. You preach about 'non-attachment', even used that as an excuse to leave me so many times, and now this?" The laugh she let out was choked and spiteful, very unlike her. "What we had was _real, _Obi-Wan. It was love. We both know that."

"Yes, it was," he conceded as he stepped forward to take one of her hands in his. "But it was not meant to be."

Satine snatched her hand back. "Because of you!"

"No," he said firmly. He wouldn't allow her to misunderstand him one moment more. "Satine, listen to me. What we had, I will always cherish. But it was the impetuous love of youth. It would never have lasted."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I have found the woman I'm meant to be with, the one the Force gifted me with even when I didn't realize it at first." That seemed to shock her into silence. He continued before she could interrupt. "We had our time together, and I chose to remain a Jedi. It was the right path for me, and for you as well. If we had stayed together we would have driven each other insane. We did that already when we were teenagers. Then we grew up and became our own people. When we met again on Madalore, I did remember our time before."

She moved forward again, the hardness in her eyes replaced with pleading softness. "So did I."

Obi-Wan held up a hand to stop her before she could embrace him. "But that was all. You were still a remarkable woman and I admired you for it, but I didn't feel that kind of love for you anymore."

"How can you say that? I never stopped loving you!"

A headache was beginning to pound behind his eyes; right now that dark tunnel would have been a welcome relief from this conversation. "And that obligates me to return that love, even if it would have been a lie?" Once again, she went quiet. "Satine, I did love you once. I was telling the truth when I said I would have left the Order if you had said the word. But I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. I learned that not long after Master Qui-Gon and I returned to Coruscant. We were simply too different to be compatible."

"Why? Explain that to me."

"Do you remember when you greeted me on Mandalore before the Death Watch incident?"

"Yes, I was so very happy to see you after so many years."

"I recall a very different meeting, one in which your first words were accusatory, as if I were the cause of the war itself."

She didn't lower her eyes, but she did lean her head back. "I was upset by the interference of the Republic in Mandalorian matters. I didn't blame you for anything."

"It sure felt like you did. I know you were upset, but I was there to help, not to interfere in your world's politics. I almost took offense to many things you said to me during that time, as a matter of fact."

Confusion etched its way into her eyes and turned the corners of her mouth down. "Why?"

"You truly didn't think you were being more than a bit harsh with your insults during that trip? I had begun to feel like I was only there for your sport when you couldn't lash out at anyone else."

Satine now looked mildly chastened. Perhaps he was really, _finally _getting through to her... "I know I was cruel to you then, Obi-Wan. But I thought you knew that I meant nothing by it. It wasn't personal-"

"It certainly felt personal, especially when you introduced me to the Senators as 'the epitome of hyperbole and half-truths'."

Now her head lowered. "I apologize for that. Please understand that I was...I was under so much stress and pressure, and seeing you again...I couldn't let my feelings for you jeopardize my mission..."

"So you thought insulting and berating me was the better option than treating me like the friend I still was?" He kept his voice soft, but he saw that his words had cut deep.

"And what would you have had me do, Obi-Wan?" she whispered. "Declare my love for you every moment and let my heart take over?"

"I would have had you not try so hard to appear as if you were made of stone, Satine. Believe me, I understand having to hide certain parts of yourself from others, more than you think. But you don't need to overcompensate in order to appear strong." He took her hand once more, pleased that she didn't pull away. "You were a remarkable woman, Satine. But you were not meant for me."

He watched her try to reconcile everything he had said with everything she had thought for so many years. Had he finally gotten through to her? "But why _her_, Obi-Wan? What does she give you that I couldn't?"

He waited a moment before answering; this part required the utmost delicacy while leaving no room for mixed signals. He thought about his relationship with the woman who had joined him before the end of the war and willingly went into exile with him to Tatooine. "Respect." Satine tried to step back, but his grip on her hand remained firm. "I'll be brutally honest: there were many times when I felt you didn't respect me as either a Jedi or as a man. Your words en route to Coruscant seemed to confirm that. But Asajj and I respected each other from the moment we met."

"She hated you!"

"She hated what I represented, not me. From the first time we drew our lightsabers we respected each other as warriors. When we learned more about each other, we respected each other as people. And when she finally learned to see the Dark Side's lies for what they were, that respect only grew." A gentle smile turned his lips up as he thought about the woman who had once been his bitter enemy. "Somehow, some way that respect became love. The Force bound us together long before we realized what we felt for each other went beyond mere empathy and compassion. She is my anchor when I feel despair trying to drown me."

Satine raised her free hand to touch his face, making him meet her eyes. "I could have been that for you, my dear."

He closed his fingers around her wrist and removed her hand. "It was a memory and a dream that you loved, Satine. You refused to accept me for the man I was, the man I am. Asajj and I may have our differences, but she accepts me for everything I am, not what she wants me to be. You wanted a Knight without a sword. She wants _me, _faults and all." He took another deep breath. "I love her, Satine. She is everything I could have ever wanted and more. I did love you once, but I was not the right one for you."

"You were the _only _one for me," she said, her words coming out half-strangled and soft.

Obi-Wan sighed. He had done his best to make her understand that he was not that same impetuous Padawan she had known. He had grown up, and as he had matured so did his needs and desires. He had come to realize that his feelings for Satine had been those of the teenager he once was, not the man he had become. Despite his adherence to the Code and his steadfast belief in it, including the ban on attachment, the Force had apparently decided otherwise in regards to him and Asajj. Their bond went deeper than mere romantic love, and he thanked the Force everyday for it.

"Then" he said now, "that was your folly." His gaze was firm once again as he looked at her, ready to put an end to this conversation. "You knew which path I chose and why. And if you still cannot accept that, then I'm truly sorry. I have moved on and am better for it, Satine. It is time you do the same." He tucked a strand of golden hair behind her ear and offered a compassionate smile. "You are one with the Force now. Be happy. Be at peace."

He released her hand and turned away from her tearful gaze. Satine would always be a part of his past, but his present and his future were where his heart truly lay now.

Obi-Wan found himself staring at the ceiling when he came back to himself. He wondered if that entire encounter had been real or if he had simply imagined it in a belated attempt to rid himself of any guilt he may have felt regarding Satine.

Running a hand over his face, he reached out to the side with the other arm. His fingers met only empty sheets. He sat up to confirm what he already knew: Asajj wasn't there. Still reeling from his dream (or was it a vision?), he left the bed and felt along their Force bond for her presence. He found her in the living area, sitting on the floor with her eyes closed and her hands folded in meditation. Had she had a similar experience while she slept and turned to meditation to calm her mind?

Obi-Wan smiled to himself when he realized how thoughtless he'd been. He'd just had a conversation with a dead woman regarding his feelings for both her and Asajj and had looked to the whitewashed ceiling for solace while his bondmate had opted for the comfort of the Force. How the tables had turned.

Keeping his steps silent so as not to startle her, Obi-Wan went to kneel behind her. He observed her for a few moments before he was unable to help himself. He wrapped his arms carefully around her shoulders, pressing his chest to her back and his lips into the curve where her neck and shoulder met.

Asajj's aura coiled around his as she let out a contented sigh. "What are you doing up at this hour?" she asked gently.

"I could ask you the same thing, my darling." He pressed another kiss into her skin farther up her neck, pleased when she tilted her head to the side to allow him better access.

"I couldn't sleep. And you looked so enthralled with yours I didn't want to wake you."

He paused. "I almost wish you had," he murmured against her skin. She didn't turn, but he knew she was waiting for him to elaborate. "I had a visit from an old friend. I'm not sure it went very well, but I said my piece."

Strong, slender fingers curled around his as she turned her head slightly to him. "And how do you feel now?"

He didn't answer right away. In truth, he wasn't sure how he felt. He'd never been in a situation like this before; the actors in the over-dramatic holovids made it seem so easy. "I think," he began slowly, "better. Maybe."

Now Asajj did turn, her knees touching his and her arms going around him. "Then that's all that matters."

Obi-Wan looked at her for a long moment. He would never get tired of seeing the love and understanding in those mercurial eyes, that affectionate smile on her dark lips; she was so different from the vengeful, vicious woman he had met on Ohma-D'un so long ago. And she had given herself, all of herself, to him freely without demanding anything in return except to be loved just as equally. He vowed right then to always honor that trust with all his heart.

Once more unable to contain himself, he pulled her forward and took her lips between his. If his conversation with Satine had been real, he knew that she still wouldn't understand why he was so deeply in love with Asajj. Even he couldn't fully explain it, but it didn't matter. No one would understand why; all that was important was that he _did_. She was everything he had ever wanted and needed, even when he didn't know it at the time.

A gentle tug on his hair brought him back to the present and coaxed a pleasurable groan from his chest. Asajj pulled away with a satisfied grin. "Better now?"

He didn't miss the teasing in her voice nor the comfort of her fingers in his hair or the warmth of her body under his hands. Peace washed over him then. "Very much, my sweet."

"Good. Now, let's go back to bed."

He followed her into their bedroom without question. Once he was settled in her arms, all thought of guilt vanished and was replaced by utter contentment. If there was ever any doubt that Asajj was the one for him, one only needed to see the smile on his face and the way she held him against her gently yet protectively. Surrounded by her warmth and her love, Obi-Wan fell into a blissfully dreamless sleep.


End file.
